38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
As I sat in my sweet pastor's office this morning, this verse immediately came to his mind and out of his mouth for me to hear. I sat there asking him how to thank all of those who have helped me. How do I say more than 'thank you'? How do I make sure that each person hears those words from me and knows I am genuine? I was raised to be strong and independent in almost all facets of my life. This now translates into me having a difficult time asking for help when it truly is needed. I am learning the hard way, which is the best way, that I can still be strong and independent while leaning on those who are standing beside me with their arms outstretched to me. I will tell you there is still hesitation before I lean, but once I do lean into your arms I will melt.
All of my life I have tried desperately to make friends, be the good girl, make the good grades, be the best employee, go above and beyond in all that I do. Its what makes me smile and keeps me going to know that I have done all I can and given my best at what I am doing. My passion is in others and making them proud and happy. I won't go into the psychological portion of this with you, but know that I do have some self awareness here. *wink* Most of the time in my life though, I give knowing I will not get back the same. Now my life seems quite different with my precious Thomas. Now those around me are giving to me in ways I cannot fathom without me doing a thing. There are so many people who need our prayers, our support and donations for bills that cannot be paid, that I still have a hard time believing that someone would sit down and think of Thomas first. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "Thank You!! I love you!! What can I do for you?" Most of the people who are doing this purely from their heart are unknown to me. I am the recipient of the anonymous gift of love. My prayer is that you read my blog and hear my heart. I cannot say it enough, "Thank You."
My pastor reminded me today of the verse mentioned above, Luke 6:38. He gently told me that I do thank people all the time and my giving is my way of service. I was humbled and needed to hear those words.
I know I spoke about denial before, but I keep coming back to it. Maybe its not denial, maybe I can't accept that their are unfixable things with Thomas. . . I don't know. I live with him everyday and love him everyday more than the last. He is adorable, and his personality is so stinking cute. He does things that big kids do while walking and talking like a sweet toddler. Those baby blues and that blonde hair can melt my heart in an instant. Maybe its just a mother's heart sees the perfection he is instead of the flaws that he holds inside. I understand the frustration of having invisible disabilities and the challenges that may lie ahead with them, but for now it makes things a little bit easier on a daily basis.
Pray for me and Thomas and know that I am praying for you. My heart is overflowing and I want everyone to experience the type of joy that God has shown me through your love and your compassion. Its amazing what one tiny heartbeat can do to so many.
Thank you.
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