I'll never forget. . .

Once again we have had another week of information and a flood of emotions.  It has been an extremely busy week with Halloween and other activities, but my heart has been full.  As I laid in bed the other night attempting sleep the thought crossed my mind:

I will never forget when truly decided I was ready to have a third child.

I will never forget the September day the test showed positive for the pregnancy.

I will never forget the early December day when I saw you were going to be a baby boy and your name came to me.

I will never forget watching your brothers fall in love with you in amazement while you were still growing inside me.

I will never forget the Wednesday night I came home from church and my water broke.

I will never forget the Thursday morning when your heart was dropping too low during labor and the concern rose greatly for me and the nurses.

I will never forget when my itty bitty 5 lb boy decided to be in my arms for the first time.

I will never forget trying to pass the car seat test with you so we could take you home.

I will never forget the fear that struck me when you failed your hearing tests.

I will never forget the devastation I felt when we learned your hearing loss was real and not just birthing fluid in the ears.  I walked into my friends house and crumbled.  It was the first taste of what it was going to be like to have a child who had disabilities.

I will never forget carrying you to be baptized with our family and our church family. 

I will never forget you getting sick your first Christmas and our first glimpse of your spine and the scare we had.

I will never forget learning about your eyes and the Duane Syndrome that you will always have.

I will never forget walking in front of our church presenting you to everyone asking for them to lay their hands on you with prayer and healing hoping beyond hope for good answers from your tests.

I will never forget January 9th, getting the confirmation that you had Klippel Feil Syndrome.

I will never forget how once again my relationship with God was shaken and rebuilt as if a mighty earthquake had broken my soul wide open for only our Lord to come in and repair.

Having a blog on the Internet makes me very vulnerable and allows you to hear and see me for who I am.  Its easier to see my cracks and flaws that we often try to hide in public.  I am thankful for it though as it has done so much good for not only myself to share Thomas' story with you but to help others as well.  We have been able to find doctors and information that we normally wouldn't have found.  People have come to know Thomas and me through our blog and have embraced us with a special type of love.  We have had continued support from outsiders, our church family and our friends and loved ones.  I couldn't ask for more.

And Thomas, well, Thomas is a two and half year old toddler who doesn't have a clue that there is one thing wrong with him.  He talks, jumps, plays, and throws a fit just like any other 2 year old.  He dressed up for Halloween and was so excited that people were willing to just give him candy.  He loves going to school and church to play with his little friends.  He is counting numbers, knows his colors and learning his letters.  He sings when you aren't looking and giggles when you do.  He wraps his arms around my leg and gives me tight squeezes.  His disabilities are invisible to most and cannot be comprehended by many and as a mother this breaks my heart for him.  I don't think of Thomas has being a Disabled child or a Special Needs Child, but the truth is he does have disabilities that are true and are and will always be a factor in his life.  I will and always will be Mama Bear who will watch out for her cub.

Tonight my heart needed to write this blog, I will update you soon with all the latest medical mumbo jumbo.

 

                  Proverbs 3:1-6

3 My son, do not forget my teaching,
    but keep my commands in your heart,
² for they will prolong your life many years
    and bring you peace and prosperity.

³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
    bind them around your neck,
    write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name
    in the sight of God and man.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight