Add it to the list. . . more therapy. . .

Thomas and I went in for a full speech evaluation today at the recommendation of our Pediatrician.  For the last two to three check ups he has not been saying as many words as she would like.  So, we went through the testing and spent the session discussing history and issues.  The best part about today's session is that at the end she was able to review the recommendations with me immediately, so I don't have to wait to see the results.  Of course, her report will be more detailed when I get it, but I know where he stands.  He isn't terrible, but he could be doing a lot better.  He is below average for his responsive language but is doing well and for his expressive language is lower on the scale and could use some work.  Most children don't have much discrepancy between the two, but she believes that his delays are based on the periods of time where his hearing was effected.  The good news is she believes that this will not be a long term therapy for him.  She explained that with speech therapy we can work on his motor skills and get him caught up and she truly believes once he catches on that he will take off and will no longer need it. 

Another suggestion she made was to discuss getting him into some Occupational Therapy with our current physical therapists.  I don't know enough about OT and how it differs from PT, but the way she was discussing it she was concerned more about his safety being an issue and how OT would benefit him.  Its worth asking about.  While I don't want to add more things to the list of medical needs nor financial obligations, I do want to do all I can for him now while he is little and still developing.

I went into the evaluation not sure he really needed it to be honest, but wasn't shocked with the outcome either.  I have come to expect that when we have him evaluated or checked for something 9 times out of 10 he has it or needs it.  To me he is my 19 month old who babbles with a word here or there.  He communicates fairly well with minor tantrums.  He is picking up sign language easily and I love being able to communicate with him in that fashion.  But in our discussions I realized that he really could be doing more and I don't want him to be at a disadvantage in an area that he doesn't have to be.  There are enough challenges that may cause issues for him now or later down the road for him to have to overcome.

On a personal challenge, I have been a bit frustrated lately with life throwing balls at me some being my fault some not.  Then one thing after another with Thomas, I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "Stop!, doesn't anyone know its Christmas time? I am suppose to be shopping and giddy with excitement."  Most times I can distract myself with decorations, playing or reading with the kids, but with two crappy days back to back it just brought me down.  I decided it was time for a good pity party.  So, this afternoon I grabbed some pieces of chocolate and laid in my bed while watching drama television.  I was thinking about all the therapist had said to day and thinking about the doctor's report I got today.  It explained in more detail his spine issues and even another diagnosis that no one has yet to mention to me.  I got furious!!  Why didn't someone tell me? Is it not important?  Should I be concerned?  Why am I looking up medical terms I don't know?  I am seriously not trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill here.  I don't like drama, I don't know what to say to others all the time.  I am not a doctor or a nurse, I went into business and finance.  UGH!  

My afternoon finally was coming to a close and I got to talk to my mommy.  I vented and ranted and whined about all that had happened to me and all the information I had gotten and what it all means.  She stopped me and told me to look at Thomas.  Thomas at the time was taking Daddy's metal shoe horn and was tapping it against all of the pieces of furniture around me and giggling.  Its the sweetest sound!  When you look at him you see none of this, you see a happy child learning and loving everything about his life.  She gave me some great advice which was to "accept it."  I need to just accept that the doctors and therapist are going to discover all the things that are not normal in my son and that it is going to be okay.  God gave me Thomas as a special gift and he will always have these challenges.  He is a special child.  It is not going to be easy but God will equip me if I ask.  I thought I had accepted it, but today I realized maybe I had not because when she said it I thought it was a great idea.  I was still fighting it, fighting it all maybe even denying it. 

Tonight, I may still finish off with my pity party but then I will work towards acceptance.  True acceptance.  I know my prayers will change as my journey changes as I am always learning how to be a better follower of Christ. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:6-8

This picture just happened to fit for today. 
Thomas likes to say prayers with us and today he
wanted to pray over his peaches. 
Just too darn cute not to get a picture of.