Love

Have you ever felt completely unqualified to be used by God?

If so, you should get ready: because God qualifies the unqualified and he deems the unlikely, likely. Never think your inadequacies are too much for Him.

He’s called you, He’s chosen you and He’s handpicked you. What seems impossible to man is more than possible for our God. {Luke 18:27}

A dear friend and I were talking on Sunday and she gently smiled as we talked about that special group of people that you see at Children's Healthcare and the Shriner Hospitals.  We talked about the children and the way they show strength and courage and show the brightest smiles.  We talked about the parents right there with them holding the bags, the balloon, the teddy bear, the machine, the medicine and whatever it takes and still has the ability to smile and tell you its going to be okay.  Amazing group of people for sure!!  My friend looked at me and said "God knew what he was doing."  I shrugged it off, but I think as we do with God we don't feel worthy.

I do believe God has been preparing me for this time throughout my life through many of my struggles and trials.  I don't think that God caused them but he can always use them to strengthen me.  Taking people out of my life, people turning their backs on me and slamming the door, people causing me pain and hurt all along the way.  It has all brought me here and it has made me a stronger no nonsense kind of girl.   A kind of girl that I am rather liking.  Every time I get knocked down, I always look up and get pulled to my feet and am once again thankful for all of the blessings. 

God loves Thomas more than I do.  That is an amazing, crazy, wonderful, unattainable thought.  Try this, God loves me just as much.  That is how much God loves you.  Its very difficult to walk into a hospital with your baby because you are not in control and you have to hand your child over to the doctors and nurses.  The unknown is always frightening and scary and again there is that loss of control.  I have come to realize that I was never in control to begin with.  God is always in control and no matter where we are, who we are seeing or what information is given there is a time and a reason for it. 

Thomas is doing great!! He is making new strides every day just as any toddler.  I am focusing on the positive aspect of him being able to master all that he can at this point and how much he is enjoying his life!  Hopefully, he will start speaking better with the speech therapy now in place and then there will be no holding him back.   To everyone else, he will look and act like a normal happy little boy!!  Unfortunately, I always picture this little black cloud that is looming in the distance that is never really out of sight that signifies the reality of what is going on the inside of Thomas and the unknowns associated with it.  Not that I focus or depress myself at the thought, its just the reality of what is.  The thing about it also is that not everyone sees the black cloud and that is okay with me.  I would rather people be able to see the shining bright star in Thomas and all that he has to offer as an individual in this world. 

March is coming right around the corner and with it we are now progressing through physical therapy, occupational therapy and now speech therapy.  I will be collecting x-ray copies and the copy of his MRI to take with us to the Shriner Hospital.  We have just over a month.  I am sure there are other odds and things going on in there, but I am looking forward to my middle child's Birthday, Easter pictures, Easter, and Spring.  Then as we round the corner to April, we come ever closer to marking Thomas' 2nd Birthday.  Wow!

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.